Cupid goes Coo Coo!
by Atomdancerrr
Summary: When a Wild Pigeon flies in the window of Cupid's room & demands the god of love's help what else can Trevor and Claire do? By-the-Book therapy Theology and common sense have to fly out the window with the Bird! Love writes its own rules!


Cupid Goes Coo Coo!

Spring of 2010. (Bead Number 12)

By

Elizabeth Hensley 8-)

Claire's star problem patient came to his session right on time for once but with a Pigeon on his head!

The startled gasp from Jocelyn as he came in the door let her know something was up and sure enough something was, and that was it!

He came in and without a word sat down on the couch, his face smug. He was ignoring his Passenger.

She was left with several choices how to handle it. _The Bird was most likely one of his numerous practical jokes of no clinical significance whatsoever. If she said a word she would fall right __into his trap and become the victim of yet another prank! So scratch this session being of any therapeutic benefit other than what they say about 'a merry heart doing good like strong medicine.' There was plenty of truth to that. However it certainly wouldn't get him down from Olympus! On the other hand however humanly __**could**__ she ignore the fact he had a Bird on his head!_

She tried, but telltale giggles escaped her mouth before she had jotted one thing down on her yellow pad. "OK Trevor I give up. l can't ignore the Bird!'

His eyes grew wide. "Bird! What Bird!"

She guffawed and pointed with her pen.

He felt the top of his head with his right hand, "Oh that Bird! Honestly Claire I don't know why he's there!"

"Yeah sure!"

"No! I am not really sure."

"I am glad to hear you admit you can't talk to Animals."

"Sure I can!"

"Oh now you say you can!"

"I can! And I will demonstrate! Bird! You do your business up there and I have one word for you: 'Squab!' There! I talked to him!"

She gave in to more, even stronger giggling. So did Jocelyn because that had been loud enough to hear out in the reception room.

He said a glint of mischief in his coal dark eyes, "And as my friend Willie Shakespeare put it, 'I can summon the spirits of the deep. I can summon them! But will they come?'"

Claire nodded, "And as Dr. Greeley says, "'I see dead People. I do! I watch old movies!'"

It was Trevor's turn to laugh. "But I really don't know why the Bird is up there, Claire. I tried to shoe him away several times and he just keeps coming back."

Claire tried to get a bit more serious. "This sounds like a bad Psychiatrist-Patient joke! When did you first start having this problem?"

Trevor explained, "Last night when I took the screen off my window in my room to clean the city soot off of it. I removed it and in flies this Bird! And he won't leave me alone! I think he KNOWS I'm Cupid! He wants my help! But there are all those beautiful Lady Pigeons out there and my Mom is not de-powered. He can talk to her, not just coo to me and I can't understand him any more, when she would. So why is he coming to _me_ instead?"

Claire sighed, "I am going to ignore that you are still thinking your Mother is Aphrodite the goddess of love. Birds and other Animals have instincts about who is loving and kind and who would try to help them and who wouldn't. Even if she is your Mother an ephemeral goddess right now is not what this poor Bird needs and he knows it. He needs physical help of some kind, Trevor and you can provide it and somehow he senses you are kind and gentle enough to try. In some ways you ARE Love incarnate."

Trevor nodded. "We are actually on the same page for once. I already made him an appointment with that Vet up the street who is supposed to be so good with People's Pet Birds. I'd have him there already, and have broken my appointment with you but he really couldn't see Alvin here any sooner."

Claire's ears perked up, "Alvin?"

Trevor smiled, "Don't get your hopes up, Dr. Claire McCrae. The only Person from my past named Alvin was a talking Chipmunk!"

Claire nodded, "You can't blame a Gal for trying!"

Trevor grinned, "I guess not, Dr. Nosy!" He got up and started walking out and Claire joined him. "You keep hoping I'll slip up. But I can't when I've been telling you the truth all along. I am from Olympus and I have no Mortal past to give you." _Other than Chicago_. He thought to himself. "Well Claire want to come with me to Alvin's Doctor?"

Claire thought about her schedule. It was free for a couple of hours. "Oh I wouldn't miss it for all the Pigeon milk in China!"

Trevor grinned as they passed Josylyn's desk. "Claire what would you do if you _had_ all the Pigeon milk in China?"

She shrugged, "I don't know!"

Trevor grinned. "And we Mental Patients get accused of saying crazy things sometimes! Sheesh!"

Still perched on Trevor's head and riding there as if that was where he was supposed to be for his entire life..., "Cooo!" Said Alvin!

Jocelyn was left by herself staring at their leaving, unable to believe what had just happened! She stared up at the ceiling and asked the Big God, "Am I living in a very silly corner of the Twilight Zone?"

At the Vet Trevor had to share the waiting room with a hungry looking Labrador Retriever who kept a very close eye on the Bird. As Trevor eyed the Dog the Dog eyed Alvin, his tail wagging. Trevor warned, "Don't even think about it!" This time his "talking to Animals" had some effect and the Bird Dog whined in frustration at being rebuked and went and lay down beside his Human.

Trevor started breathing a little easier.

The Little Boy sitting on the other side of him with a Gerbil cage on his lap started giggling, "Mr. Do you realize you have a Bird on your head?"

Without looking at him Trevor said cheerfully, "And do you realize you have a small Rodent in your lap with very long teeth who could do a lot of damage to certain parts of you if it had a mind to?"

The little boy said, "But Nibbles loves me!"

Trevor growled, "Only because _I_ am doing that! Don't push me!"

"Huh?"

Claire held her breath and was relieved when the Vet called for Nibbles to be seen by the Doctor right then. She whispered to Trevor, "Trevor remember what I said about trying to keep your identity secret?"

Trevor said, "I've got a video up on You tube now."

"What!"

Trevor said firmly, "You can call it advertising for the bar if you want and my claiming I'm Cupid in public 'staying in character.' Trevor made quote marks with his fingers. "But I'm not staying in the closet any more. I announced to the World right there on You tube I'm Cupid and I want Folks to come to me to be matched and by the way our food is very tasty at Tres Equis. Folks may mistake it for an advertisement for the bar and grill which is my crazy-like-a-Fox-way of keeping myself out of trouble about it."

Claire was so shocked she didn't know what to say and was saved from having to say anything by the Nurse calling for Alvin next.

The Nurse and the Doctor were both amazed when Trevor walked in with Alvin on his head!

"Ah, Mr. Pierce, is it?"

"Trevor or Cupid if you like." Trevor smiled.

The Nurse and Doctor both stared at Alvin who was still perched on top of Trevor's head and not in any cage. Dr. Alfritch said, "I think it would be a good idea if your restrained the Patient."

Trevor shook his head, "Oh no! I know what that feels like! Alvin will consent to treatment or not get any."

"But you will have to pay either way!" 

Trevor shrugged. "I don't care. It is my choice too. I can pay. People tip me very well and Felix is even paying me a salary now besides that thanks to my Shrink's working to get me a social security number."

The Veterinarian looked at him, "What? Huh? Oh! You are that guy in that video who claims to be Cupid. I actually saw that. My Kid pointed it out to me because it was made locally. You are just doing an advertising stunt aren't you?"

Trevor shook his head, "No. I am not. I mean every word including the bit about Tres Equis having the best Mexican food in the area. I actually sent out Spies to bring back samples from every other Mexican restaurant for five miles and we really do have the best. That's my Greek food raised opinion I admit, but it's a sincere one."

The Vet eyed Trevor leeryly.

Trevor said, "Treat the Bird, please!"

The Nurse said, "Dr. the Bird seems to want help! Have you ever seen a Wild Bird act like that before?"

The Vet said slowly, "No I can't say that I have. Alright. What are the symptoms?"

"He flew in my window and won't leave."

"That's it!"

"That's it sir. I would suspect it means he is having trouble with the Lady Pigeons and needs my help. I am Cupid after all and Animals can't be fooled into thinking I'm crazy. They know who I am! But I don't have any powers any more. He could have gone to my Mom who still does. So whatever it is he needs help with is something a Mortal can help him with. But it must be love related or else why come to ME?"

The Veterinarian said, "Sir, really this is more a job for your Psychiatrist than me."

Trevor shrugged. "She's out in the waiting room if you want to consult with her. It's kind of a strange mix of Doctors for a Bird I think!"

"I insist!"

Trevor smiled and gestured, "Go for it!"

The Doctor left the room leaving the Nurse glaring at him, not happy to be left alone with a Mental Patient. She glared at him warningly. But Trevor just stood there as harmless as usual with Alvin still on his head.

In the waiting room Dr. Alfritch went over to Dr. Claire McCrae. "You are that man's Psychiatrist?" He pointed with his thumb back at his treatment room.

Claire nodded. "Yes. And his Therapist. Remember most Psychiatrists don't do therapy any more but I do."

Dr. Alfritch looked like he had been eating lemons. "He must be pretty dangerous you having to monitor him this closely!"

Claire was shocked. "Trevor isn't dangerous! I'm here out of curiosity because of Alvin. I've never seen this kind of behavior before in a..."

"What do you think about him wearing this Bird!"

"Trevor is not wearing Alvin, Dr... Ah?"

"Dr. Alfritch."

"Well Dr. Alfritch, Alvin apparently came to my Patient for help and he is trying to get you to provide that help. Animals do have a right! As a Vet of all People you ought to know that!"

Dr. Alfritch said knowingly."But the Bird looks healthy!

Claire gritted her teeth and did what she had to, to remain civil. "Oh? He LOOKS healthy. How scientific of you! You come from the 'examine with eyeballs' school of medicine. I didn't go to _that_ school. I was taught to run tests! My Boss, Dr. Greeley and I get Patient-Victims from your kind of Doctoring all the time! When we actually give them _real examinations_ using T_wenty-First Century technology_ all sorts of _medical _problems are detected! That eyeball exam diagnoses can get in a Patient's medical records that they have a mental problem they refuse to deal with and it follows them from Doctor to Doctor and costs them the ability to get further medical care for decades because it brands them as Hypochondriacs or worse! I saw a Patient once who was 80 years old with undiagnosed hypothyroidism and she had been suffering that way and treated only as a Major Depressive her whole life! And most of that time not even for that due to so much ignorance in that area. She should have had a good medical exam first before being stamped with a mental diagnoses but none had ever been done. None! I looked at her chart. It was ancient and stamped 'Hypochondriac!' For sixty-four years that lady suffered horribly and completely unnecessarily and her family was deprived of the services of their family member due to the "examine with the eyeballs" style of doctoring. She was basically a body in a bed all that time who forced herself up to attend to only what was absolutely necessary. No joy was had and no love was given! Medication including T3 thyroid meds and Antidepressants perked her up incredibly! So for the last two years of her life she actually had a life!

Dr Alfritch gritted his teeth. "Alright! To humor him _and_ you I will examine this perfectly healthy Wild Bird. I will give him the works! After all, I am sure if he can't, _you_ will pay for all the expensive tests I am about to run!" He turned and marched self righteously back into the treatment room.

Claire sighed and rolled her eyes towards the heavens. She prayed without meaning to, "Wouldn't it be nice if Trevor's family or even Someone higher up was really watching this?

Many were, and that Doctor from then on never had one car that had a paint job that lasted. Birds kept doing to his cars what Birds do to cars in much more than the usual amounts. Since this man loved his fancy cars this was adequate 'car-ma.'

When the Nurse came with the blood testing needle she wondered _how in the world were they going to catch Alvin to do that to him?_

He flew off of Trevor's head into her hands!

The Nurse screamed in surprise! And stared at Trevor as if he was a Ghost!

Claire was glad she had decided to go into the treatment room after that little talk with Dr. Alfritch or else she would have wondered what her patient had done in there! _But his just innocently standing there doesn't count as his being harmful to others! __It isn't Trevor's fault Alvin is acting too good to be natural and that is harming the Nurse's too staid concept of reality! _

It took a few days for the test results to come in. During that time Alvin flew in and out of Trevor's window to feed and do all the things Birds do out in the wild. But he always came back in again as if he knew he had to wait for test results. A few days later they came.

Dr. Alfritch had to admit it. He called the love god. *Mr. Pierce I owe you an apology! The Bird is healthy only so long as he doesn't want to be a Father. Your Bird has a severe endocrine problem that is keeping him from being able to reproduce. So you were right amazingly. In street language there is no way this Bird can 'get it up!'*

Trevor smiled, "Apology accepted. Is it treatable?"

*Yes, if Alvin either keeps up his amazing cooperation as he has been doing or you want to hold him down and inject him during breeding season every day which is what most Bird owners do who have a Bird they want to breed with this problem.*

Trevor shuttered, "I hate needles! Maybe Claire will help me. But yes, I'll do whatever Alvin wants me to, to help him!"

As if on cue the Bird flew in the open window again and landed on his head.

That evening a very squeamish god tried to learn to be on the other end of the hypodermic process for a change. Claire was doing her best. 'Trevor the orange won't feel a thing I promise! And it would help if you would open your eyes while you try to learn!"

Felix and Lita were giggling.

Claire said firmly, "Eros do it for what you are, Love! It's just another kind of dart! You've pierced us Mortals with arrows and darts before!"

That gave him the moxy! Trevor preceded to at least take the painful pointed thing and inject the orange with saline solution, making a horrified face while he did so. _He would work up very gradually to injecting Alvin._

Claire sighed, "I shouldn't be encouraging your delusions but darn it I feel so sorry for Alvin! The city is full of Pigeons! We have so many more than we need! For all I know he is a victim of the city's attempts at birth control and yet here I am teaching a patient to give a very expensive hypodermic injection to make one fertile again! And paying for most of it! And will be for as long as the Bird puts up with it! Oh, who is crazy here?"

Trevor smiled, "Neither one of us, Claire. We are just kind. I don't even know if helping Alvin is going to count as a True Love. Oh you know I got a bead for some Tortoises once, and two Dogs once, and..."

"You never told me about the Dogs."

"It was a long time ago, Claire. But anyway the Tortoises might have been a fluke or just at first to encourage me. My folks may be tougher in their standards about who counts now. I know they won't count Insects! If they did I could go up and down the street and rescue Flies out of webs. Flies usually only live about one day. So just by rescuing them I would cause Couples to meet in True Love who otherwise would not have had the chance. I would be home in less than Twenty-Five hours!"

Claire nodded, "Let's hope they count Alvin. I want you to get to one hundred so whatever happens, happens. It will be a change in your condition at least. I'm not making any progress with you right now. We are just in a holding pattern. I am giving you supportive therapy only. When you get one hundred couples matched and you don't go home, then you might see how delusional you are and I will have something to work with!"

Trevor's eyes twinkled, "Or I might be able to go home."

Claire sighed, "We'll see. Think you can do it with Alvin now?

"Ah, Claire you want to do it the first time?"

"NO! I fall into that trap you'll never learn!"

Trevor nodded, "My Shrink sure knows me!"

Claire nodded, "I do. But its not like I can't guess that from you just being all too Human. I will hold him steady for you and that is all. Come on Alvin. Time to be a Big Boy and be brave."

To her opened mouth surprise the Bird came right to her.

Trevor laughed, "It looks like YOU can talk to Animals!"

Alvin took his shot like a rock. It was Trevor who just about fainted having to give it to him. Soon Alvin was cooing like he knew something had changed in him. He flew out the open window and wasn't back until late the next morning.

Trevor felt a familiar pair of claws on his forehead as he was waking up. "You have a good night and morning? I sure hope you did! You are expensive, Brother!" He looked at his pool beads, "And nothing has moved, at least not yet."

"Coo!" Said Alvin. He started dancing as if he were doing a mating dance right there on Trevor's bed.

Trevor gestured out his window."I hope you are giving me a re-cap of what's been going on with you out there!"

Alvin flew in the open window again when it was time for his next injection. He started spending less and less time with Cupid but he always seemed to know when it was time to get stuck and always came back for it.

"Amazing!" Claire exclaimed.

The Vet clinic was even more amazed. They wouldn't even believe "Trevor." Claire had to confirm it. "Yes. The Bird is living wild and free and comes back ONLY for his injections which Trevor gives him without anyone having to hold him. Then the minute he's done the Bird flies out the open window again!"

But one day Trevor was outside of Tres Equis washing the windows and he saw Alvin doing his mating dance and he started laughing a bit bitterly.

He whipped out his cell phone. "Claire I see the object of Alvin's affections. It's another Male Pigeon! The poor Fellow is not interested and that is why I haven't got a bead yet. Either Alvin needs to find a LADY Pigeon or a Therapist who can teach him how to, or we need to find him another Gay Male Pigeon!"

Claire said, "Trevor you know darn well most Gays can't switch!"

Trevor sighed, "I know! I'm joking. I don't care except it so limits his chances and I want my bead!"

Claire said, "And poor Alvin! That Bird has so much love to give! And now will he ever get the chance?"

Trevor felt a tear forming, "And he will never know the joy of raising a family! Pigeons can't adopt Children, that is certain! And there is so much love there, Claire, what goes between a Pigeon and its family. Poor Alvin!"

Claire nodded, "Yes. Poor Alvin. Get your mind off yourself and on to your ….well onto your, let us say, Client?"

Trevor nodded, "It's the messed up environment, Claire. Pigeons don't make lifestyle choices anymore than Humans do. Pesticides including the kind in household Bug spray cause endocrine disruptions. Heavy metal poisoning causes endocrine disruptions. Makeup has estrogen in it or chemicals that mimic estrogen. That causes endocrine disruptions that harm Male Babies inside Mothers that wear makeup because it gets absorbed through their skin into their bloodstream then goes through their placenta into their Baby and it also gets washed off of them all the time into the water supply we all drink from including Birds and Wild Animals. The chemicals in Birth control pills pass through People and come out their plumbing and into the water supply that goes! There is a book; 'Our Stolen Future!'"

Claire nodded, "But Trevor, Gay People have been around for ages."

Trevor nodded, "Some of these endocrine disruptors have been around for ages too, Claire. For instance heavy metal poisoning. In the Victorian era Folks went mad as a Hatter from it and even in Neolithic times Folks smelted. My Mother's first husband was my Uncle Vulcan who shows Autistic symptoms because he has spent so much time working with molten metal and it gave him heavy metal poisoning. He gave us my older sibling, Hermaphroditus. We don't even know what gender it is! That is a major reason Mom divorced him and married Mars!"

Claire sighed.

Trevor said, "I am taking out a classified add for Alvin.

Claire tried to switch tracks from one crazy subject to another just as nuts. "A what?"

Trevor explained, "Somewhere in this city of billions of Mortals someone else has got to have noticed another Male Pigeon with the same problem. All I have to do is get in contact with that Person and take Alvin to that area where he noticed that Male. And bingo I have my bead!"

Claire laughed, "Oh Trevor! You are incorrigible!"

Trevor said proudly, "Thank you, Claire Bear!"

Of course it didn't take long.

Trevor road shotgun with Alvin perched on his head of course.

"How does he seem to know when to ride you and when not to?" Claire admitted she was puzzled.

Trevor explained, "My Mother is probably guiding him. Or Jesus is. Or my Aunt Gaia is. Or some fairy or Angel who has taken a liking to him, or even some Ghost who is destined for the coming nova of the Sun. Who knows who is helping him? But someone in Dimension 7 is guiding him. Has to be!"

Then Trevor got a far away look in his eyes. "This Bird could be one of us!"

Claire said skeptically. "What? A god?

"No Claire something just a good, a Greek, or just a Human. Just as good! As Captain Kirk said, 'everybody's Human!' Alvin is so full of life, so full of love to give! So his hormones are making him a tad mixed up? So sad! He would have made such a fine Papa to such a great brood of Little Ones! This is a tragedy caused by our messed up environment not a personal sin on his part. And if all one can do is be _tolerant_ to Beings with this problem, than one did make the boat but is not feasting at the Captain's table! Because Life is meant to be a feast! It is only his flesh that is weak. His Job, Chapter 12 Nephesh, that is, his soul, is not mixed up at all! We are all so very much loved! Something or Someone sees all this love that Alvin has to give and is working so hard to give the only way he can so far. Remember Time circles. Because he has not given up and prayed for help he will get another chance some day! His incredible faith and his incredible courage to trust someone to help him figure out how to overcome his difficulty, even though that task won't be completed all the way this side of the river Styx and in this revolution of Time, has definitely touched Someone! We are all mixed up each one of us, each in own way. 'All sin and fall short of the glory of Jehovah.' Legalism is something my friend Jesus hates! He IS being guided Claire!"

Claire nodded, "I won't even try to argue you out of this delusion. I can't say it is one this time! This behavior is beyond explicable! He has to be getting directions somehow! When I took you to to the library two days ago and the grocery store yesterday he didn't act this way! He knew somehow this trip was for him!"

Trevor nodded and crossed his eyes looking upwards at his Passenger."But again I say to you, Bird, you do your business up there! Squab!"

Claire giggled.

The place was a particular area of Central Park. Claire parked the car and they got out with Alvin still riding on Trevor's head. Claire said, "That it turns out to be Central Park that has another Gay Pigeon hardly surprises me. It has so many Pigeons it does seem to be a likely spot! Is this Person we are going to meet to show us where coming soon?"

Trevor explained to Claire with a twinkle in his eye, "The Person who answered my add does not want to meet me for some strange reason. He seems to think I'm weird. Now why would that be? But he gave me some directions where he has seen such a Bird trying to make advances on another Male Pigeon and keeps being rebuffed. And directions are all I need!" 

Claire nodded.

As they walked along Trevor said, "And here it is a beautiful Spring day and in case you wondered, I am definitely not Gay! Except in the sense gay with joy to be walking here beside YOU!"

Claire smiled, "That's nice, but Doctor-Patient, remember?

Trevor sighed, "Someday its going to be god-goddess, Cupid-Psyche!"

Claire smiled and said firmly, "Or ex patent with his Wife and maybe even a Child or two and his ex-Doctor and _her_ family!"

Trevor shuttered, "I don't think so Claire! I am so very sure I am right!"

They came to the place. Alvin suddenly went, "Coo!" and flew off of Trevor's head and started doing his mating dance.

Suddenly another Male Pigeon came out of the bushes and also started doing a mating dance.

Trevor said bemused, "Now this is an interesting situation. They are both Males. So they are both doing a mating dance! And I wonder who is going to get on top and who gets on the bottom and so forth?"

Claire smiled, "All Gays, in fact all Couples have problems figuring that out. They will. But I want to know what will Alvin do when his current injection wears off?"

Trevor frowned, "I don't know, Claire! It won't be True Love that is for sure if he can't keep that up! Trevor pointed.

Sure enough they had "figured it out."

Claire sighed, "Let's go, Trevor. Pigeons have the ability to find there way home over great distances and he has known where to go for help up until now. Maybe..."

Trevor nodded, "Maybe!"

god/Mental Patient and future goddess/Psychi-atrist turned and shoulder to shoulder went back away from the semi-wild beauty of Central Park to face the cold concrete and steel confusion of New York again, united in their quest that Love and Humanity win over savagery and sadness.

The very next evening Alvin was back for his injection, doing his mating dance for his non-feathered friend, letting him know just how wonderful his life had become!

And when the next morning came as Cupid got out of his pajamas and was getting into his bar clothes he looked up and checked his pool marker beads.

One more had moved over.

**0**

Feel free to upload to other sites as long as my name stays attached and nothing is changed except what must be to translate it into different kinds of media. Follow the Golden Rule please; "Do onto Others as You would have them do onto You." And remember Time circles due to well proven General Relativity so You are being watched, quite possibly by the Characters themselves who Artificial Intelligence Technology will bring to self awareness someday. As modern Native Americans chant at the Ocala Fort McCoy Powwow, "Mickey Mouse and Goofy are Spirits too!"

This is based a little on fact. The Suncoast Seabird Sanctuary at Indian Shores Beach near Clearwater Beach in Florida has been known to get "Fly-ins," Wild Birds who come in on their own with problems and hold still for often painful medical treatments. How do they know to go there and what gives them the courage to be handled by Humans and submit to such treatment? They band every Bird they release. So they aren't merely getting their previous Birds back. I know! Don't you? "Not even a Sparrow falls apart from the Father."

This is dedicated to my Mother who was the model for the 80 year old Thyroid Patient and Victim of the eyeball exam method of doctoring mentioned above.

Hermaphroditus comes right out of Greek mythology. Vulcan did work with heavy metals. Venus, Cupid's Mother did divorce him and marry Mars. Heavy metals can cause genetic damage. I put two and three together and got a logical answer five.


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